Identity

   Having a general idea of what I want to write is bad sometimes. I feel like I’m back in high school taking standardized tests with a prompt and 2 hours to write, which explains why I haven’t actually sat down to flesh out my ideas on the subject of identity.

   First, when we are talking about identity, it could be in terms of sexuality or what makes you up as a person. In either case I agree that it is possible to identify with multiple things.

   Let’s discuss personality first. Practically everyone with an internet connection has read/seen something that brings up identity not being black and white. You can be funny and angry, sad and happy. This isn’t a book with someone on the outside holding all the answers. Often times you don’t even know what you’re feeling. Past emotions we can look at hobbies, maybe you like to cook and play football, do math and be a cheerleader. There isn’t a set rulebook telling us that it is impossible to do both, though some people may argue otherwise.

   With that thought out of the way, on to sexuality. Since freshman year of college (maybe earlier) I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what I identify with. Am I straight? Am I a lesbian? Do (can) I like both sexes? I even thought to make a tally of which sex I preferred in hopes to add up the columns and be done with it. I never did. I was too scared to have it found and realized that it’s impossible to quantify feelings. Yes, there’s the Kinsey scale (which I learned about last year), but that’s just a tool in demonstrating the fluidity of sexuality.

   I still don’t know without a doubt where I stand. Right now I’m good with bisexual and honestly I’m too afraid to really own it in fear that that might change. There will always be people waiting to tell me I told you so, whether it is from the queer community, homophobic people, or my own family. I do know, that just like love isn’t something that can be pinpointed to an exact moment, figuring out who we are and being ready to share that isn’t always “I knew it since two years ago, Tuesday”.  

   I’m really anxious for others to learn, just as I am, that there might not be an absolute answer. Being me is good. If you can identify in other ways cool, at the end of the day it’s just adjective with definition that varies from person to person.