2014 End Thoughts

So this is me checking in, a year ago I posted about the new year. I wish I was as full of life as I was last year.

One of my biggest and most ambitious goals was to come out to my mother (and a few other people in the family). It was New Year's Eve when I thought about it for the first time in a while. I'm sad to report that I didn't.

With that semi-depressing talk out of the way, my year:

Places Visited:
Virginia -> Washington D.C. -> New York City
Canada - Victoria and Vancouver
Texas - Dallas, Austin

Projects:
updating this blog
Graduate School  - (animation)(research)
more vlogs
SIGGRAPH volunteer
running more often

Breaking Comfort:
using couchsurfing
going to another country on my own
making friends
more small talk
two week road trip with Grandparents and young cousins

Other Stuff:
It's hard remembering the last year, because it seems like it was halved. Half when I was an undergraduate finishing Civil Engineering degree, half as a graduate working towards a Master of Science in Visualization. I did a lot at times and a little at others. These past four or so months have been a blur and I lost part of myself, without even knowing. And back to the sad bits, it's just so darn easy to spiral down.
Um, what was I saying? I didn't do much in terms of projects, look at the damn list, updating this blog was part of it...yup. I spent most of my time focused on school and developing my social skills. If you forgot, two years were spent under a rock and the past two years I slowly crawled up. I'm at a point where I have friends and watch movies and go out to eat and chat and laugh and normal people stuff. Remember when I said I lost myself? I lost that girl content on being alone in her room and typing or drawing or watching or thinking of the future and how cool I would be. Now, I'm barely able to keep still and write this. I want to things, but a lot of times the opportunity arises and I back away, not sure of who I am. I guess a lot of the year was spent building myself up only to discover that I was a big hollow shell. Sigh, I can't escape this "sadness".
I'm typing this and I don't feel upset. I don't feel like crying. I have a smirk on my face and am thinking about what I can do tomorrow or now, the next step. How to fix things. It's like I'm in denial or just so beyond feeling sorry for myself that it's sort of empty.
Despite all this bullshit that I'm spewing out, there were many highlights in the year, times I felt like I could do anything. I climbed a mountain, made friends with a complete stranger, made friends, appreciated family, and learned a little bit more about how the world ticks.

So fuck it.

-Alyssa
How was your year?