I once was on Good Morning America... I believe the year was 2014. 

I think I'm a Ravenclaw.











I like taking pictures of my shoes sometimes.

Short Irrelevant Post

Hello to all the cobwebs of the internet!

I've been okay. I graduated this past May 2017 and I'm currently in pursuit of a full time job. Definitely not happy times, but okay for what it is.

Just really wanted to post the following image that I found as I was clearing screenshots from my desktop.

Hope everything is good on your side and remember that it'd be cool to know of your existence.

Coool, cool cool, cool.

Alyssa

Fried Green Tomatoes - Quote

“Like I say, it just creeps up on you. One day you're young and the next day your bosoms and your chin drops and you're wearing a rubber girdle. But you don't know you're old.” 
― Fannie Flagg, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe

Career Goals

Pum'kin Patch

I visited my first pum'kin patch last weekend. I wouldn't say it was a real one, but I am not even sure if real ones exist.

When someone says pumpkin patch do you imagine going to a field of pumpkins, finding the right one, and methodically cutting the stem? That's what I imagine.

The place I went was nothing like that. First, you pay 5$ to get in. Everyone is everywhere. A person sized train circled the lot with a bunch of kiddos riding and parents watching them. A tractor also circled with a bed of hay, hay ride. There were three piles of pumpkins, all pre-cut. Kids climbed to the top as parents took pictures. My older and younger brother joined in on the pile, looking for the perfect pumpkin. I stepped away to grab a small pie pumpkin; only 3.99$.

It was okay for what it was. Despite all the people and gimmicks, it got me in the spirit of halloween. I even wrote about it.

I wish I had cable so I can watch all the silly Halloween shows....

-Alyssa

I'm Not A Morning Person

Note: I'm wondering what's better, lots of small posts or waiting around to see if I actually get my shit together and write something meaningful.

As the title says, I Am Not A Morning Person.

My family says it to me often. I know. It's just that I didn't really think about it until the other day when I was a bit of a grumpy gus to my brother and his girlfriend. I knew I was being grumpy but similar to getting drunk I felt outside of myself. I tried to be friendlier. It was forced.

Thinking about it, what would happen if I actually lived with someone? The sad truth...I can't imagine ever living with someone. I imagine wanting to have someone to be with, but fantasy about how it would be (even holding hands) has me scared.

Maybe that's what I wanted to talk about.

I had to blog about it.

I've tried to be active in the whole dating game, but I suck. If things start to get close I withdraw.

Tomorrow I will be meeting some guy that I met online at the school's library. I'm nervous about how awkward it will be. It's similar to my feelings about socials...I don't mind meeting new people and talking about whatever. What I do mind is going somewhere for the purpose of talking, making connections, whatever.

Enough rambling, talk to you later.
-Alyssa

COMMENT DAMMIT!!!

What I'm Reading (10/06): American Gods

Book: American Gods
Author: Neil Gaiman

Upon seeing me reading Neverwhere (also by Neil Gaiman) someone recommended that I read American Gods next. He said it was even better. I bought it 30 pages from the ending of Neverwhere.

The book I bought was the Tenth Anniversary Edition. The cover looks cool, like a horror movie from back in the day, which isn't really that far back. The drawback, it came in the weirdest size. Like a brick. Bending the pages is a task.

I'm on chapter three - page 84. Not too far.

NOT SPOILER FREE
NOT SPOILER FREE

So far I know about Shadow and there's some supernatural force going on, but I can't quite grasp what it is. In that sense it is similar to Neverwhere. I spent a good chunk of the book trying to piece together what was happening. It kept me on my toes.

There is Shadow and ex-con who I just learned was sent to prison as a result of something he did as a favor to his wife. His wife died having an affair with his closest friend, but came back from the dead to let him know that she loved him and sex is sex. Shadow has been hired by a mysterious old man figure that has named himself Wednesday. I keep thinking of Wednesday Adams... A storm's a brewing. There are leprechauns, probably God's too, and maybe a Matrix type concept.

Excited to continue the journey!

Read it with me and let's make it a book club!!!

I tried to do one with a friend via snail mail. I read the book (The Alchemist)...well heard the book. It took forever in between letters to really get a good conversation going though.

Talk to you later,
Alyssa

Book Review: Neverwhere

Why:
I had to drive from Tennessee to Texas and wanted to listen to something for the 12+ hour trip. I got the trial audible subscription and looked at all the top books. Neil Gaiman popped up. I remembered listening the Moth Radio and hearing him talk about something related to his dad. Since then he had been on my radar.
But, I've heard of him before that. My brother always talked about the coolness of Sandman.
I didn't end up buying the audio version of Neverwhere, it turns out I already had it in my possession when I borrowed it from my brother.
Didn't I say I really liked / believed in star aligning coincidences?

In record time, it only took a month to finish the book. That's good considering I mostly read on the bus or while doing errands. Lately, I've been trying to avoid staring at my phone. It's hard.

Summary:
It's about this guy name Richard going to London Underground and embarking on a quest by accident.

Rating:
08.5 / 10.0

Reason:
It was good and I hadn't read a book like that ever. It was the first time I had to pay attention to details and there were many "ahhhh, I see" moments. However, Richard is annoying which is bad since he is the main character. Gosh, I wish I could have heard more about the Marquis or Door. She was cool.

SPOILERS:
SPOILERS:
SPOILERS:
So the story is about the every day Joe, Richard, stumbling across this young woman named Door. She's in trouble and he decides to help her out. In doing so, his life is completely altered. He no longer "exists" in the normal everyday London. He is only seen in the realm called London Underground, a place where the people who slip through societies cracks end up.
These two goons are on the lookout for Door, but no information is given on why. Pretty cool, eh? Since he no longer can live in London Above, he decides to accompany Door and her small, makeshift team to find out why she is being hunted. He hopes to return to the world above. Just from that you should guess how it ends.
What bugged me, was how useless he was. There was no explanation on why the others let him accompany them other than feeling sorry for him. I was also irked by the typical hero who is just given the title hero without really earning it. For example, the end. He kills this giant beast, but only by sticking out a spear he is holding and stabbing that thing as it lunged onto his pal. There was no tactic. He didn't even find the spear, it was given to him. In another part he has to face a trial to get this thing and the reason he passes is because he finds the belonging of a previous companion. That's it.
Door and company seek out this angel named Islington. It tells them to find a key and in return he will provide answers. They get it. Turns out, the angel is bad. One of their companions, Hunter, is also bad. She dies at the final stretch by the beast that she wanted to kill. The remaining party is caught but Door saves the day by preemptively replicating the key and opening a door to another dimension. The angel and his henchmen get sucked into the dimension and all is good.
Did you guess the end? Richard goes back to live in London Above then decides that maybe he doesn't want to live there after all.

Characters:
Despite the flaws with Richard I really enjoyed all the other characters and was fascinated by The Marquis. I imagined someone like the guy from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. While Door and Richard suspected him of being a traitor, I always knew he was "good".
Hunter, a hunter that ends up betraying the group, was also cool. She died rather lamely, though it is possible that she could still be alive. I loved that about the book, leaving stray ends for the reader to come up with their own theories.
Door, she was cool, but at the same time I couldn't get a good mental picture of her. Was she really young? 20? 25? 30? What about Richard made her like him? What did she do before the being hunted? I wanted to talk to her over coffee or something.
The Angel...it didn't really occur to me that he was bad. Perhaps I should have guessed it. Why did he need a key? What probably caught me off guard was it not being obvious. They talked to him about halfway in the book and I figured it was just a small plot line.

And that's that. Another crappily written review. You're Welcome.

-Alyssa

Come Closer (from ...Archives)

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN 2011... my opinions may have changed, but I am too lazy to re-watch. I'm putting this out here, because I can I guess. 

Come Closer is a movie that might not be for everyone. It is paced a bit slow and is a slice of life. 

Characters:

• Su-Jin (Kim Hyo-Seo): She is the first character introduced. She answers the phone in the coffee shop.
• Young-Soo (Oh Chang-Suk): draws pornographic images and is struggling with his old boyfriend over an affair with a woman.
• Se-Yun (Yeom Bo-Ra): She sleeps with Young-Soo eventually ending up with him.
• Hyun-Oh (Yun Gye-Sang): He is trying to move on his life while his ex keeps showing up to stop him.
• Eun-Hee (Jung Yu-Mi): She cannot get over her ex(Hyun-Oh) and stalks him from time to time.
• Woon-Chul (Jong Seo-Won): He is dating Young-Soo, eventually getting dumped after Young-Soo decides to leave him for a girl.
• Ju-Young (Yoon Hee-Seok): He is hangs out with Hye-Young and complains about woman wanting stability instead of romance.
• Hye-Young (Yozoh): She is in a band with Ju-Young and has (almost) given up on relationships.

Notes:

So…let’s talk about Come Closer. Right from the start the movie gives and indie vibe. I usually like the genre in general; however it seemed a bit cookie-cutter. As if the creators got together and said, oh this will definitely make it more indie. Take for instance the opening. The movie begins with a Polish guy looking for his girlfriend. He calls a Korean Coffee shop, explaining that someone told him she might be there. The girl who picks up the phone tells him no, and opts to listen to his story. The polish guy proceeds to describe his girlfriend a bit and what it’s like in Poland. This whole ordeal goes on for about ten minutes, during which, I was under the impression that the scene was the opening credits for the production team. You know, like Pixar’s short animation before the movie begins. There was also a very mellow vibe that screamed; look I’m indie!

Most of the stories that were presented were a bit too brief for me to gain any emotional attachment. For example during the scene with Eun-Hee and Hyun-Oh, I was trying to figure out its point. I know some movies are just stories that don’t have a deeper meaning, but sometimes the story should be interesting. You know? I didn’t really care that she couldn’t get over him. It happens to all of us; however we do not go stalking our exes.

The story revolving around Young-Soo was probably my favorite because it consisted of about half of the movie. I was able to get a grasp on the situation while formulating an opinion. I understood that it was a big deal for him. Most people are concerned about liking the same sex and try to push their awareness away, however it is opposite for Young-Soo. He pushed away his preference for women because he mistook admiration for love.

(4:38PM)(10/13/11)

Thus the awkward scene where he had sex with Se-Yun makes a hell of a lot of sense. During most sex scenes, participants act with lust (or passion…whatever you want to call it) but Young-Soo is making a discovery. Oh my goodness, after all these years, I never knew this could feel so good. And with this, his movement is a bit stifled. All his life he thought he knew one thing, but within an instant the rules have completely changed. It’s like eating the forbidden fruit, there is no back button. The whole confrontation with Woon-Chul (his boyfriend) adds on to his development.

(5:10PM)

Young-Soo explains that he had felt inferior to Woon-Chul since high school. As he watched in envy, he became attached. He wanted to be closer (unintentional reference to the movie title) to Woon-Chul in hopes to be a little more like him.

….AGH!!!

(5:16PM)

Obsessed

(5:17PM)

As time draws on, he becomes more obsessed with Woon-Chul, eventually forming a relationship with him. He felt happy, but only because he was making Woon-Chul happy. It’s kind of like when we were younger (or even now), we became obsessed with celebrities and wanted to be just like them. At the end the movie, we don’t know whether or not Young-Soo and Se-Yun will last as a couple, but it is irrelevant. The point the movie is trying to make, is that Young-Soo needs to find himself. If dating a woman makes him happier, then he should do so.

 (10/13/11)(9:01PM)

My second favorite story is the friendship between Hye-Young and Ju-Young. For some reason I enjoyed their pessimism about love. While looking at younger couples still in their honeymoon phase, they both agree that after a while, people want stability over a fast burning love. Hye-Young seems to be more in a rut than Ju-Young, claiming that all guys are idiots. It is established early on that she has gotten out of a relationship, however how much time has passed since them remains unknown. Thus it is unclear about whether or not this is just a phase for her. It makes me curious; will she ever be able to accept a relationship again? She seemed so adamant about her position in the whole ordeal that it is hard for me to imagine her doing so. There was an occasional moment or two in which I thought that there was an attraction between them; however I am still unsure about whether or not this was intended. Because of this I like how their scene ended with their future unclear.

The ending of the movie was a bit typical, indie music and shots of the characters on their own. Seeing as this movie consisted of multiple storylines, it is hard to imagine an alternative. It just seemed like it was missing something though…The last shot was of Hye-Young looking nonchalantly into the distance. I kind of wished that it would have ended with a shot of leaves or something, I don’t know. I felt like there should be a deeper meaning behind choosing her, but I couldn’t find it. Any ideas?

Overall I liked the movie, but I had to watch it in intervals because it was a bit slow at some points. After completing the film, I looked up the actress who played Hye-Young and was surprised to learn that she was an indie singer (Yozoh). Her music is quite nice to listen to while working on homework or writing. I didn’t think her acting was bad at all, does anyone else think differently?? I decided to watch this because Yun Gye-Sang was in it, but was disappointed that his role in this movie was approximately 20 or so minutes.

I would give this movie a 7.5 /10 for quality and an 8/10 for personal preference.

Oh My Goodness! And Book Review. Spontaneous

I thought that I had so much more on this blog that I've been elevating in the back of my head. I looked at it today, because I wanted to talk about a book I read a few weeks back. The last post March 2015...Almost a year ago. Whoops.

The in between stuff that has been happening will be saved for another post, sawwwrryy.

The book: Spontaneous by Aaron Starmer 

How I found it: Well I just happened to be with friends looking around a local bookshop and there it was. I've always been a sucker for things that shouldn't be there and this book was it. On it, it said advance reading copy, not for sale. On the back was a poncho. It was only seven dollars, a steal!

On the cover there is a girl blowing a bubble with bubble gum in a power pose on top of a ice cream truck. I thought she looked cool.

Brief summary: The seniors of a high school are combusting for no apparent reason. The story takes place in the perspective of a girl named Mara. She's sort of self-absorbed and is written to be dark humored. I would probably wouldn't be friends with her. Despite this I was curious, why were they exploding? What important lesson would they learn?

Spoiler: They don't learn anything other than live your life. Gosh, if only I had spontaneous combustion there to tell me that.

More Spoilers: Her best friend is Tess and I really, really wanted the two of them to get together. They had a spark. But no, Mara chose Dylan. Who was Dylan? I don't know...some guy that sought her out for no apparent reason. In the end, when he dies, she admitted that she didn't love him. She talks to Tess in the final chapters and they really have a moment. Like, I couldn't be reading it wrong, it was definitely there. And then...Tess is gone. Did she die? Did she run off to start a new life? The book doesn't say.
Well...it ends with Mara being optimistic that Tess is still out there and that she will make it a goal to find her. I guess that's good enough?
You never find out why they were exploding either. Everything just felt pointless.
At one point they brought up this girl named Jennifer Lawrence and how she was wronged...but nothing is confirmed. They don't hint that she could be behind it all. She's brought up to show how cruel they once were.
Maybe I missed something.

The good: It was an easy read, a page turner. I enjoyed shipping Tess and Mara.

The bad: It was fluff. Maybe if I went back in time it'd be more useful...probably not. It felt like the author was doing his best to tell the readers (who I assume are supposed to be high school age) that he gets them. Trying to get on their level. It was just so forced. What high school full of drugs, booze, and sex did he go to? Where are the normal kids?

More Reviews: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23587115-spontaneous

My "Rating": 07.0/10.0

Takeaway: I've got my reading muscles going and I realized that I really wanted to read a sort of adventure mystery (Hello Neil Gaiman!).

Coffee Prince Episode 1 and 2: Sort of Recap

I thought and thought about what drama to watch. Then it hit me, Coffee Prince. Okay, it didn't. It just happened to be on the first page of Netflix and I hadn't seen it since early high school. Years have passed and it's safe to say that I forgot a good chunk of the drama other than the obvious, she's pretending to be a he and the male lead questions his sexuality.
It was shortly after episode one that I decided to start recapping. It's fun to write without too much thought :)

Episode 1:

-I totally forgot that the whole thing started because Choi Han-Gyul 's parents thought he was gay. Also, Ko Eun-Chan is really cute as a boy. I'd like to say it's progressive for the time. 

-I remember how much I dislike the mother. She's one of those characters whose only purpose is to fuck things up. 

-Choi Han-Sung is the man. Ah, that sweet, sweet deep voice. Sigh.

Choi Han-Gyul (Gong Yoo)

Ok Eun-Chan (Yoon Eun-Hye)

Han Yoo-Joo (Chae Jung-An)

Choi Han-Sung (Lee Sun-Kyun)

Episode 2:

-I'm around the 30 minute mark right now. Han-Gyul made a proposition to Eun-Chan at the end of the previous episode. He wants her to be his gay lover to get out of blind dates. She agrees under the pretense that she is a guy.

-On the storyline B, Han-Sung  is struggling with feelings for his ex (Han Yoo-Joo)who has come back after two years. She wants to get back together with him and he's confused at what to do. She left him for another man.
-Later, he has a run in with Eun-Chan and asks for advice, disguising it as a problem that his friend has.
-He ends up sleeping with Yoo-Joo and telling her to go the following morning. He's upset that she doesn't try to stay.

-A montage of Eun-Chan and Han-Gyul shopping together plays and the two commence strolling down the street in matching suits. As they walk the people watching them suddenly are hit by a gust of wind that I'm still trying to figure out. Is this symbolism for the gay romance? There is even some CG fruit.

Looking FIIINE!

My fruit! Gust, gust, gust...

Eeek!

-The two have lunch and Eun-Chan shows off her special dog nose skill. Han-Gyul ends up drunk. Eun-Chan tries to take him home, but wouldn't you know it, she can't open the door. He wakes up at the Karate studio Eun-Chan works at. There he learns more about "him", smiling at the bits he discovers. It's what normally happens in a hetero romance, but with him believing she's a he it's awesome. 

-Hang-Sung struggles with his feelings for Yoo-Joo some more.

-Han-Gyul lends Eun-Chan money and awakes to a thank you call from her. His grandma comes to assign him a position as the owner of a local shop. Meanwhile Eun-Chan learns that the owner of the dojo she was working at skipped town, leaving her without wages. Weird music plays to cue the change that has just plopped onto their lives.

Which Drama Should I Recap?

So I've been thinking and thinking and thinking. What better way to start the year than to recap a episode from a drama. I'm open to any suggestions. I got my eye on Xena right now.

-Alyssa

2014 End Thoughts

So this is me checking in, a year ago I posted about the new year. I wish I was as full of life as I was last year.

One of my biggest and most ambitious goals was to come out to my mother (and a few other people in the family). It was New Year's Eve when I thought about it for the first time in a while. I'm sad to report that I didn't.

With that semi-depressing talk out of the way, my year:

Places Visited:
Virginia -> Washington D.C. -> New York City
Canada - Victoria and Vancouver
Texas - Dallas, Austin

Projects:
updating this blog
Graduate School  - (animation)(research)
more vlogs
SIGGRAPH volunteer
running more often

Breaking Comfort:
using couchsurfing
going to another country on my own
making friends
more small talk
two week road trip with Grandparents and young cousins

Other Stuff:
It's hard remembering the last year, because it seems like it was halved. Half when I was an undergraduate finishing Civil Engineering degree, half as a graduate working towards a Master of Science in Visualization. I did a lot at times and a little at others. These past four or so months have been a blur and I lost part of myself, without even knowing. And back to the sad bits, it's just so darn easy to spiral down.
Um, what was I saying? I didn't do much in terms of projects, look at the damn list, updating this blog was part of it...yup. I spent most of my time focused on school and developing my social skills. If you forgot, two years were spent under a rock and the past two years I slowly crawled up. I'm at a point where I have friends and watch movies and go out to eat and chat and laugh and normal people stuff. Remember when I said I lost myself? I lost that girl content on being alone in her room and typing or drawing or watching or thinking of the future and how cool I would be. Now, I'm barely able to keep still and write this. I want to things, but a lot of times the opportunity arises and I back away, not sure of who I am. I guess a lot of the year was spent building myself up only to discover that I was a big hollow shell. Sigh, I can't escape this "sadness".
I'm typing this and I don't feel upset. I don't feel like crying. I have a smirk on my face and am thinking about what I can do tomorrow or now, the next step. How to fix things. It's like I'm in denial or just so beyond feeling sorry for myself that it's sort of empty.
Despite all this bullshit that I'm spewing out, there were many highlights in the year, times I felt like I could do anything. I climbed a mountain, made friends with a complete stranger, made friends, appreciated family, and learned a little bit more about how the world ticks.

So fuck it.

-Alyssa
How was your year?

High School King of Savvy: Sort of Review

I did not realize that the last drama I talked about was Master's Sun. I remember at the end of it I was skipping just to finish. King of Highschool was no different.

The leads:

Lee Min-Seok  - Seo In-Guk

Jung Soo-Young  - Lee Ha-Na

Jung Yoo-A  - Lee Yeol-Eum

Yoo Jin-Woo  - Lee Soo-Hyuk

Basic Plot:

Lee Min-Seok has to pose as his older brother, working a corporate job and juggling high school. Jung Soo-Young is in love with Yoo Jin-Woo, but eventually falls for Min-Seok.

Reasons for watching:

I have a huge celebrity crush on Seo In-Guk. When he smiles, my goodness… 

Reasons for Finishing:

I kept thinking it'd redeem itself. How could so many people like something so patriarchal?

-The female lead is nothing more than a run of the mill temp worker, eventually getting "upgraded" to secretary. Not by merit, Min-Seok demands she is re-hired in that position. She was had to be re-hired because Jin-Woo, the second lead, did not like her and decided to fire her, sparking all the feels for the rest of the show. 

-Let's talk about Jin-Woo. This guy is creepy. Though, I'll admit he changes near the end. He manipulates her, tries to force a kiss, and is a aggressive with his "feelings" which were never developed enough for me to find it plausible.

-Min-Seok is an alright character in contrast. He seems like someone who strives for fairness. What I didn't like was how the show pretty much handed him everything on a silver platter. Girl, check. Job, check. Awesome athletic abilities, check. Loyal friends, check. Stalker girl, check. Handsome, check, check, check!!!

-Trying to go back, I'm struggling to remember all my plot complaints that dealt with sexism…I guess I'll just move on to general grievances. The boy is 18 and the woman is 28…That's a huge gap for the age group. 28/38, good, but 18/28…no, no, no. I couldn't go with it. I'm 22 and just thinking an 18 year old seems icky.

-Gosh I don't feel like going beyond bullet point ideas. I doubt anyone would read this and if someone is, I'll go further. No use getting worked on something that isn't worth it. Kind of like reviewing a hallmark movie.

-Uh.... I did read some comments on Dramabeans and one talked about how the show went against normal conventions. The ending was unexpected, there wasn't too much angst, no rich guy, etc. In that respect, I liked the show.

Alyssa Notes:

As I'm typing this I pause in between. I feel like if someone else read it, they'd catch these pauses. It's not a nice flowing article, "girl, sexism, blegh". Oh, well. I will be talking about my more negative reviews in future posts. 

Rating 7.0/10 --- I finished :) and <3 Seo In-Guk <3

-Alyssa Pena

Originally written : (11:03pm)(12/18/14)(Friday)

Master's Sun: Sort of Review

Normally I open a word document for every single drama I watch, so I know where my time went. Perhaps an awesome idea will be born, at the least I'll improve my writing. This time around, I just wanted to let it out, I did not like a good chunk of this drama. 

Things started off well... Aside from the norm in Korean dramas, "me man, she woman" gender roles. Every now and then the woman had the upper hand, just not in a way that was beyond feminine charm. I continued watching for a good portion of the show, because of the lead female Gong Hye-jin. She, along with Seo In-Guk, is someone that I enjoy watching on screen. I might make a separate post of all the things I've seen with her in it. 

The drama hooked me, always hinted that her character had an extra level of depth (going beyond the helpless damsel) when bringing up her life before her accident. She used to be top of her class, popular, confident, outgoing and the bing bam boom she saw ghosts and was dismissed as crazy. I figured somewhere down the line she'd get over the ghost complex. The assertive female lead that I craved would take over the frail women who clung to the hero male. Somewhere around the halfway point I gave up. 

 Far into the show I decided what the hell, might as well finish it. By episode 12, I was skipping a good chunk of the scenes, barely making it through the finale.

Finale Summary (spoilers...though not really): Bodyguard ends up with bratty woman, husband and wife began anew, side characters end up together, male and female lead banter around till the final scene. Yay...

Rating: 6/10
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: I'll discuss in another post, my "departure" from dramas. Just know that there's another review-ish thing that I will be posting and it's just as negative. I'm sure there was some good in the show and had I written while watching there'd be a lot more positives. It's just tiring watching a genre that progresses the role of a female at a snail's pace. 

Mozart and the Whale

I bought Mozart and the Whale at the now closed down Hollywood video years back when I was still in high school. I remember there was a conflict between the two protagonists and they had to overcome it to be together. It wasn’t some stupid tragic love story, more like realizing things need work to work.

This entry is for the line I liked and didn't feel like throwing away.

Isabelle Sorenson: You can kiss my self-esteem butt, Donald Duck. Why tell your life story, and tell only the good parts?
Donald Morton: It's Donald Morton.
Isabelle Sorenson: You're missing my point!
Donald Morton: No I'm not! I just - never know what to say.

Watch the movie for more context or just take my word that it was decent. It will be a while before I forget Josh Hartnett in a whale suit. 

-Alyssa

Shy

A few years back I noticed a book called Shyness: What it is. What to do about it. at my neighborhood garage sale. While I normally dislike self-help books, this particular one intrigued me. There was an image of a girl (maybe a woman) hiding behind a "tear" in the cover. What type of shy person buys a book with an image that would make a passerby question your emotional stability and the word SHYNESS as a large headline. I should have scrapped the book then and there.

I took the book with me to college, with the thought that I would one day get my 25 cents worth of advice. Eventually (a few weeks back), I decided it was now or never. To my surprise and delight the first few pages were describing personalities just like mine; people that would take alternative routes to avoid small talk, people who weren't always quiet, people who just didn't know how to interact. I continued, hoping that there'd be some resolution. However, it kept going on and on about these people and I began to realize that the writer was not shy. He was looking at the bugs inside the jar. 

Although I didn't get anything out of the book I learned that I wanted to find someone (people) just like me and I wanted to know that it'd be okay. Perhaps someone will read this and relate in the slightest. 

I tossed it. 

-Alyssa

Strudel Cupcakes

When I graduated from high school (4 years ago) I decided that I'd make cupcakes for the teachers that had made a good impact on my life. I bought a box for cinnamon strudel and my best friend and I got to baking the night before school ended.

I don't have pictures, but I remember that they somehow managed to turn green. We might have put food coloring in...I don't remember. They looked awful though and wrapped each in tin foil accompanied by an envelope that kept to the above card's format.

I got to school nervous about what each of the teachers might say. Would they laugh, think I'm weird, throw it away right in front of me? I decided not to distribute them, not even handing out a thank you note. I should have just bought an apple.

Any similar experiences?

Health and Fried Green Tomatoes

I should make it a goal to write on here at least once a month.

What I hate about writing is I use "I" a lot, a lot. Most of my sentences start with it and I cringe looking at them all together. It's the disadvantage of being alone.

A good thing is that I am starting to think more positively about my image. I still don't know how to dress well, but I have few outfits that work that aren't t-shirts. You never really hear famous people talk about dieting and if you mention it to your friends its taken in a negative connotation. You're labeled as the stuck up prick who rather look good than eat whatever they want. It's true, I just don't think I'm going through great lengths to eat well. I like carrots and all that healthy stuff to begin with. I want that negativeness to go away.

And with that, I ate fried green tomatoes today and enjoyed it. That is until my stomach got upset from not being used to fried food.
Like many, I become a fan of media easily; actors, movies, books, TV shows, you name it. For a while I've made it my mission to find decent lesbian films, counting things with subtext such as Xena (lots of it). My newest addition is the book Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe and the movie based off of it. I have a crush on Idgie Threadegood.
Part of the book is about the women Idgie and Ruth, their relationship, running a cafe, and people surrounding them. While I wish there was more about the two, the book jumps forward to an elderly woman and a everyday housewife talking about the past and present. The housewife, Evelyn doesn't really know where she fits in society as things are changing all around her. It reminds me of Fight Club, the book that explores how men were trying to find their place as well.

I won't say anymore about it for now as it deserves a post all to it's self.

Some news on my end, I graduated two or three weeks ago in Civil Engineering. I'll be going back to school though or a Master's in Visualization so it doesn't really feel like the end. I do however feel like my life is in moratorium.

Hope I used that last word correctly,
Alyssa

Blood

Eeeeaaaaaeeeeaakkkzl;sflkn safo;jwpwje !!!!!!!!!!!

That's me during and after the time when the lady took a blood sample. I hate needles, HATE them.

I told my roommate that in the back of my mind I always considered giving blood. That's gone now. I wouldn't make it five minutes.

I'd love to say that I played it cool in the exam room...it wasn't my best moment. The woman said I was worse than a 2 year old.

How are things on your end?

-Alyssa