Strudel Cupcakes

When I graduated from high school (4 years ago) I decided that I'd make cupcakes for the teachers that had made a good impact on my life. I bought a box for cinnamon strudel and my best friend and I got to baking the night before school ended.

I don't have pictures, but I remember that they somehow managed to turn green. We might have put food coloring in...I don't remember. They looked awful though and wrapped each in tin foil accompanied by an envelope that kept to the above card's format.

I got to school nervous about what each of the teachers might say. Would they laugh, think I'm weird, throw it away right in front of me? I decided not to distribute them, not even handing out a thank you note. I should have just bought an apple.

Any similar experiences?

Health and Fried Green Tomatoes

I should make it a goal to write on here at least once a month.

What I hate about writing is I use "I" a lot, a lot. Most of my sentences start with it and I cringe looking at them all together. It's the disadvantage of being alone.

A good thing is that I am starting to think more positively about my image. I still don't know how to dress well, but I have few outfits that work that aren't t-shirts. You never really hear famous people talk about dieting and if you mention it to your friends its taken in a negative connotation. You're labeled as the stuck up prick who rather look good than eat whatever they want. It's true, I just don't think I'm going through great lengths to eat well. I like carrots and all that healthy stuff to begin with. I want that negativeness to go away.

And with that, I ate fried green tomatoes today and enjoyed it. That is until my stomach got upset from not being used to fried food.
Like many, I become a fan of media easily; actors, movies, books, TV shows, you name it. For a while I've made it my mission to find decent lesbian films, counting things with subtext such as Xena (lots of it). My newest addition is the book Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe and the movie based off of it. I have a crush on Idgie Threadegood.
Part of the book is about the women Idgie and Ruth, their relationship, running a cafe, and people surrounding them. While I wish there was more about the two, the book jumps forward to an elderly woman and a everyday housewife talking about the past and present. The housewife, Evelyn doesn't really know where she fits in society as things are changing all around her. It reminds me of Fight Club, the book that explores how men were trying to find their place as well.

I won't say anymore about it for now as it deserves a post all to it's self.

Some news on my end, I graduated two or three weeks ago in Civil Engineering. I'll be going back to school though or a Master's in Visualization so it doesn't really feel like the end. I do however feel like my life is in moratorium.

Hope I used that last word correctly,
Alyssa

Blood

Eeeeaaaaaeeeeaakkkzl;sflkn safo;jwpwje !!!!!!!!!!!

That's me during and after the time when the lady took a blood sample. I hate needles, HATE them.

I told my roommate that in the back of my mind I always considered giving blood. That's gone now. I wouldn't make it five minutes.

I'd love to say that I played it cool in the exam room...it wasn't my best moment. The woman said I was worse than a 2 year old.

How are things on your end?

-Alyssa

Life Update: Birthday

So I turned 22 last week.Yup, I'm an old fogy.

As far as previous birthdays go, I think this time around was swell. I had dinner with my mom's family and another with my dad's. I even got to blow out candles and wish to be straight. No joke, when it came time that's the first thing that popped into my head. I know it's a waste of a wish, there's no changing that part of me nor should I want that. As the better choice, I wished that I could accept myself and be confident of who I am.

[inhale] I didn't expect to tell you that. That might be the deepest thing I've written thus far. Yay me!

What I did want to say is that I think people like their birthdays because it's one of the few days that people close to you are willing to dedicate solely to you...most of the time. I sure felt like a happy camper knowing that so many people took a few seconds out of their day, at the least, to think of me. That's one of the reasons that I love having penpals through snail mail. I know that other person is taking more than a few seconds to write to me and it's solidified on paper.

I'm not going to be cheesy and say that I'm sending my thoughts out to you, because I don't know who you are. However, give me the opportunity to find out something about you via comments or whatever and I'll happily wish you well.

Speaking of which, there is a Katie Herzig concert April 2nd that I'm excited to go to! Just thought I randomly say that.

Check it out, yo! -- Thoughts

This won't be my typical review (if that), I'm writing directly onto here.

Plot: There's a pretty good recap on asianwiki if you want to know exactly what happened.The gist of it, there is a group of high school students, three boys and one girl, that try to form a rap band. Throughout they realize that they will eventually grow apart. It's sort of a coming to age film.

I watched this sometime last semester and hardly remember a thing. So, why am I writing about it? There was one exchange of words that stuck with me, occasionally playing in my head. Two of the boys are watching the girl and the boy swimming.

"They get along so well."
"'Getting along is so beautiful.'"
"Let's join them."
"Why?"
"'Cause the sky is blue!"
"What the heck!"



The boy makes a break for the water and the other follows.

What I like most about the scene is that it reminded me that there doesn't always need to be a logical reason for doing something. It's okay to justify something on the sky being blue, the grass being green, it doesn't matter. Ultimately life is life.

Let me know if you like to keep the same mindset.
-Alyssa

Identity

   Having a general idea of what I want to write is bad sometimes. I feel like I’m back in high school taking standardized tests with a prompt and 2 hours to write, which explains why I haven’t actually sat down to flesh out my ideas on the subject of identity.

   First, when we are talking about identity, it could be in terms of sexuality or what makes you up as a person. In either case I agree that it is possible to identify with multiple things.

   Let’s discuss personality first. Practically everyone with an internet connection has read/seen something that brings up identity not being black and white. You can be funny and angry, sad and happy. This isn’t a book with someone on the outside holding all the answers. Often times you don’t even know what you’re feeling. Past emotions we can look at hobbies, maybe you like to cook and play football, do math and be a cheerleader. There isn’t a set rulebook telling us that it is impossible to do both, though some people may argue otherwise.

   With that thought out of the way, on to sexuality. Since freshman year of college (maybe earlier) I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what I identify with. Am I straight? Am I a lesbian? Do (can) I like both sexes? I even thought to make a tally of which sex I preferred in hopes to add up the columns and be done with it. I never did. I was too scared to have it found and realized that it’s impossible to quantify feelings. Yes, there’s the Kinsey scale (which I learned about last year), but that’s just a tool in demonstrating the fluidity of sexuality.

   I still don’t know without a doubt where I stand. Right now I’m good with bisexual and honestly I’m too afraid to really own it in fear that that might change. There will always be people waiting to tell me I told you so, whether it is from the queer community, homophobic people, or my own family. I do know, that just like love isn’t something that can be pinpointed to an exact moment, figuring out who we are and being ready to share that isn’t always “I knew it since two years ago, Tuesday”.  

   I’m really anxious for others to learn, just as I am, that there might not be an absolute answer. Being me is good. If you can identify in other ways cool, at the end of the day it’s just adjective with definition that varies from person to person.

Self-Portrait

I did this a few months back with every intention of making a decent self-portrait. Things went awry and I ended up with this. All weirdness included, I like it.

It's almost as bad as the one I made in high school...

Yeah, this will be an interesting year.